LilEssence03's Hoodstars

getting rid of the HS page soon...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:44:39 GMT

now dont go talkin amongst yourselves and spreading rumors and all that. all you need to know is RIGHT HERE!!! now pay attention:

do i hold any hostility or anything against deon nem? NOOOO i do not! i never did! never! i have just set certain standards for myself as far as how i choose to let people treat me. months ago i wouldn't have tripped, but i would've been bothered by it, and i dont want to have to go through that...thinking that i've allowed myself to be disrespected again when i didn't have to. i also understand that deon has his own way of thinking and his own way that he does things. do i think deon is a bad person? naw. but i was a lil shocked and pissed in the beginning and i felt disrespected...royally...and in trying to explain why i felt the way i did i felt like i wasnt even being heard, which in my eyes is also disrespectful. not only that, i was also being attacked by outside parties who had NO BUSINESS talking in the first damn place. not only that, but just generally talking shit to other people and around the way like i wasn't gonna know, but that's neither here nor there.

in my opinion, that's how it was and i simply cannot associate myself with anyone or anything when im feelin disrespected, period. which is ALSO why i reacted the way i did with dude with the high yellow shirt. we were just playing around with dude...he disrespected us, and i wasn't gonna stand quiet, that's all.

now, im also not telling yall to never get on hoodstars again. despite what yall are thinking, that was not my intent. now i STILL have the same mindframe...i felt like you all were disrespected and none of you should stand for that, and none of my feelings have changed because i feel like women in general sometimes ALLOW so many things over others. like my 'no dick in `08' jumpoff, for example. how im always saying how women let certain qualities about a man influence whether or not she's with him and ignore the HUGE signs that say 'stay AWAY from this nigga!' yall heard me say over and over that my whole movement was not just about sex...but in just the way we respect ourselves in general, and just because i stopped hollering 'no dick in `08' didn't mean i wasn't still standing by it...i just felt like my point was made and i didn't have to scream it out anymore, but to simply follow it.

at the same time, however, i didn't want to sound like i was trying to change ya'll religions or something lol. i was just trying to encourage everybody to think about that shit and demand MORE of yourself and how other people treat you, because when you dont respect yourselves you usually end up getting fucked in the long run. its happened to me a bunch of times, so i know. all i said to you all was 'the owner of hoodstars just called all of you out of your name...if yall still want to sit on this site and support this nigga it's on yall, but it's not gonna be me.' now i admit that when people were telling me that some of you were still in there i was sayin sumthin like 'omg and some of yall are still there,' but it was because i was disappointed...not because i was trying to get you all to leave.

so with that said, i was never trying to influence you guys, but i was trying to get you to think about something you never thought about before...this whole time. you all have your own minds. you all do not have to stop coming here because i said so or asia said so. (and we never said that, but you all get it lol.) ya'll dont even have to speak with me if yall dont want to. i love yall, but yall are yall own people, and im not gonna hate anyone for doing whatever the fuck they wanna do so...ya'll do yall thing lol.

as for me, that's where i stand so...lol i gotta be done. im not GONE, however, so you all can add me on xanga if you would like:

http://www.xanga.com/LilEssence03

i have friend's lock and sign in lock enabled because, as i've said, i cant stand the crazy and the disrespectful, so on my personal page i gotta filter them out lol. i add everybody, but if you turn out crazy, you get deleted off the friend's list lol.

alrighty so that's all i wanted to say...to those of you all that are still confused about shit and watnot. you can say whatever you want to say about me because of this, but i really could care less my shoulders have been brushed off many many times since i first got on hoodstars, it aint nuthin to keep on brushin em off like Obama lol. this is how i feel, period. nobody can steal my joy or change me. not anymore, not at all. so anyone who disagrees can talk shit about me in these comments, or you can hide and do it in the chatrooms or amongst yourselves thinking i'll never know about it, or you can get on cam and talk shit about me and block me thinking i'll never know you said shit about me...either way it dont matter, cuz whether i hear it, hear about it or not at all i am officially unfazed.

ultimately, i hope that everybody respects what im sayin, regardless of whether you like it or agree with it or wateva. im not for the drama, i just wanted to put my thoughts out there, because people were wondering.

im going to give this blog a lil time to 'marinate' lol and then i'm getting rid of the page...just to give yall time to find it and apply it and add me on xanga if yall want to. and to give myself time to transfer my blogs...cuz i like my blogs lol. no later than new years...i guess.

AND...last but not least, through it ALL there is one thing that will always make sense to me. always unchanging, always awesome:

omari on is the shit.

:o)

today's broadcast

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:55:08 GMT

i will be broadcasting from my xanga page today, same time as usual.

www.xanga.com/lilessence03

if you have not added me as a friend on my xanga page, you must do so to view my page. i have both friend's lock and sign-in lock on my personal page cuz i get tired of the crazy and disrespectful people::cough:: lol

anyway, see yall 2nite! :o)

Why do you think people don't vote? Are they lazy, apathetic or jaded by politics?

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:49:41 GMT

out of all of the people i've spoken to that choose not to vote, the number one excuse is that they think that their one vote doesn't count. or they feel as if politics are too crooked...and we don't have control over our own vote anyway. no matter what, they vote is always going to go the way that 'THEY' want it to.

also, a lot of people simply DON'T GET the importance of getting involved in the politics of the country and educating themselves on the country's issues. people i've talked to think its just a bunch of hype and don't realize how the country's issues affect THEM and THEIR families. now i'll admit that i don't necessarily pay attention to EVERYTHING, but i am knowledgeable on SOME things, namely the issues within the education system, obviously (education major woooo), but i'm pretty knowledgeable on other issues as well.

THEN, there's those people, who don't see the point because they feel as if we're always going to be stuck in the same place no matter what happens, even in light of this historic election. i guess this part is primarily focused on Black people...just based on my own experiences. i've heard 'it's never gonna change' TOO many times in my life. people feel that no matter what there's still going to be police brutality, still gonna be racism, still gonna be those people who don't get that job because of their ethnicity, but people arent looking back at the progress. looking back on the way things were to the way things are now...things are never going to be perfect, and issues like racism may never be completely eliminated, but it's progressing, and i think people should focus on that more rather than dwell on the fact that it still exists, but that's a lil off subject.

there are also people who have these opinions about the registering and voting processes and how they work. a lot of people think that the whole thing is a looong, drawn-out, complicated process when it's SO not. as a matter of fact, i was one of those people. i thought that in order to register you had to go to some special registration place and stand in line for 3 hours and fill out all this dumb information like i was filling out a FAFSA or doing my taxes. and i thought voting was just as complicated. both are really simple and don't require much effort. voting doesn't even take very long if you go at the right time. my father was in and out...5 minutes on his lunch break. i got there super early and waited about an hour and a half because other people were trying to get it over with b4 they went to work, like i was. but i had my ipod and was able to get in a good hour nap lol.

anyway, there's millions of reasons why people dont vote, but at the end of the day its about educating yourself about the politics and the issues that we have and educating others who dont seem to care one way or another, because voting is super important. the focus here is EDUCATING others, not trying to impose your own ideas on others. a few people don't care and never will care no matter what...but others just need some kind of push in the right direction, whether it be draggin their lazy asses to the polls or having a discussion with someone who has no idea what's going on in the world so they CAN develop and opinion, and everything in between.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

WTF? Rebublicans and anti-Obama people are doing what they can to sabatoge this election!!!

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:21:24 GMT

WATCH OUT! here's the link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/dirty_tricks

damn shame. this is why we have to get out there and VOTE people we HAVE to!!!

And R.I.P. to Senator Obama's grandmother, Ms. Madelyn Dunham. She passed away today. She had cancer and was trying to hold on long enough to see her grandson get elected...now we have to make sure we do what we can to see that happens, because she's still smiling down on him!

Ya'll should know by now...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:53:47 GMT

Not to believe everything everyone tells you...and especially not everything you hear. Ya'll need to get into the habit of focusing on the source because the source is the only thing that's reliable.

STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING YOU FUKKIN HEAR!

that's wack of yall to pass judgment over things that you hear that you're not even 100% sure about!

DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE!

its none of your business but you'll be respected more if u just ask the source. if the source says it's none of your business, there's no need for further discussion...it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

omarion is the shit.

why cant peace stay in my life?

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 04:00:12 GMT

so im laying in my bed @ 12:30 in the morning...tryin 2 sleep cuz i have my early morning internships and i have to do assessments on a student and plan a videotaped lesson (pressure) on top of a million other things. and i have a million things weighing on my mind with my fam and shit that i CANT talk about because there's nobody i really CAN talk to without betraying somebody's trust or my own.

private convo with my mom earlier fukked my head up, then school, my internship, work, family, whole lotta stuff happening today that just...is weighing my shoulders waaay down and i dont know what to do except what i usually do: ride it out. i've been changing my aim and facebook statuses all evening...my way of venting without venting...but that's not doin the job.

every time i try to gain my strength and stand up i get knocked back down i dont get it. why do people try to steal my joy? usually a nice drive in my car with my music helps but....oh shit the cord for my ipod to work in my car fukkin shorted...and i dont really wanna spend the money on another right now. sleep becomes my only escape because when you're sleeping, you dont have to think about the shit you're goin through and when you awaken, you're more relaxed and at peace. but JUST when i decide to lay my head down and close my eyes...

my ex-fiance texts me outta no-fukking-where.

this is the shit that's gonna fuck around and bring me over the edge.

'im sorry i dont want you to hate me. i want us to be on good terms i always think about u.' nigga is you serious?

the shit you did to me and you dont want me to hate you? lol i should, but i dont hate people. however, i have certainly brushed u off. wtf why would u still contact me? aint u involved aint u good now? you need to work on forgetting about me YOU fukked up the chance of us stayin on good terms. you lost.

that was SO not good timing on his part.

i try so hard to keep my patience and try not to let things get to me, but people constantly come at me all sideways like i deserve this shit...like i deserve to feel all this weight on my shoulders all the time that i've been tryin 2 throw off for a minute now.

what i need is...i need a vacation. even if i rent a fukkin hotel room up the street and just chill to myself for a day...but i dont know about that complete isolation to leave me alone with my thoughts. i need more of a getaway...to actually go somewhere and REALLY have fun. something i've planned and implemented and is successful. everything is always SOMEBODY ELSE'S PLAN. fuck this im goin 2 the poconos...or bear valley...or something. but i hate the cold maybe somewhere else. wishful thinking maybe but the thought is nice.

i dont even know how to end this thing, so i guess i'll end it by saying...this is me...tryin 2 roll over, ignore these texts i've been getting since i started this blog...and get some damn sleep.

SUSU AND MAQUITA CALLED SAYNOW YALL!

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 00:37:44 GMT

LOL check this shit out they called 3 times:

6:01pm:

http://www.saynow.com/playMsg.html?ak=SC9lUjByUjgwZUp6WW04N0hyeUdSUT09

6:03pm:

http://www.saynow.com/playMsg.html?ak=cUZscGhtZXFhNjBTMW1XL2RFOVhVZz09

6:17pm:

http://www.saynow.com/playMsg.html?ak=VUYrdlpHMzhQSURJZGZ0Um1iM3R3Zz09

crazy heifas...lol

i kno omarion is the shit but...damn!

Asia's new blog is the TRUTH!

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:49:12 GMT

http://weblog.hoodstars.com/BHBAD/679593713/hey-susu--friends-im-not-tryna-play-hide-and-go-get-it.html

cuz if u google mah name u a BITCH!

if u google mah name SUCK A DICK!

now get on ya knees, on ya knees, on ya knees, an DO YOUR JOB! lmao!

aw man...

omarion is the shit.

so...

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 22:49:20 GMT

the class fish, bruce, died yesterday. i forgot to mention it up until now. i discovered his lifeless body right after we took the kids to PE...and the fish helper was reminding us that we had to feed bruce as soon as he got back, because we had forgotten to. good thing huh? lol

i was actually worried because how do you explain death to 5- and 6-year-olds? as a teacher, you have to be super sensitive about everything you say. EVERYTHING. you cant just say 'bruce is dead' some kids'll start cryin. cant say that bruce went to 'fishy heaven' cuz guess what? some kids' families probably dont believe in heaven and all it would take is for a kid to go home and tell they mamas or daddies that and BAM...you'll get snapped on for teaching religion....just like you cant do anything with trick-or-treating for halloween or with reindeer around christmas...

im glad they didn't tell me to do it lol

but the teacher explained it well...and this week they get 2...count em 2...froggies as a replacement. in their big ol' froggy castle. im only there on mondays and tuesdays...and im excited to see the froggies and learn what the kids named them next week!

most random post ever...but something i was anxious to talk about...for some reason. lol i love bein a teacher.

WHOOOsaaaaaah...

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:31:39 GMT

i just had to post this blog real quick and say im stressed the fuck out.

im about 2 spaz right now

i dont know what to do with myself

i got in trouble with my professor today for not completing a log of comments i've posted on fellow classmate's blogs. we have an education blog where we're supposed to post a class reflection after every class session and comment on at least 2 classmate's blogs per class session. now, along with this class i have four other extensive projects, not to mention an additional project just added where we have to attend an event outside our own culture (gay pride parade, attend a jewish church, etc) and report on it. this is just for ONE class, and i have four other classes with at least the same number of extensive assignments or more, with a bunch of little assignments. plus an intership in conjunction with my bachelor's degree program in which i have to write up and teach lesson plans and schedule observations with my supervisor and all kinds of other things we are required to do while interning.

up until now i refused to stress out. the way i do this is to prioritize the assignments by putting the major major things to the forfront and make those my main focus. i've written everything down in an agenda but again, the big things are my priority. the smaller things...hey if i remember i'll do them if not no big deal not losing a lot of points. if i try and make everything perfect i woulda spazzed a loooong time ago.

so anyway the blogs were one of those small things, right? NOPE! turns out the blogs are worth more than ALL of the big assignments in the class...except for one. sooooo....i've been bullshitting on the blogs...posted 4 out of 9...and commented 4 out of the 18 times i was supposed to. so now im like....wtf am i gonna do about my fukkin grade now??? the blogs are worth 100 out of 500 total points for the friggin class.

THEN if that's not enough...right after she tells me this...i go back to my seat to overhear my collegues talking about the MIDTERM and PROJECT due TOMORROW that i've completely forgotten about. wow. soooooo...yea i had to leave the class and jump in my car and cry for 30 minutes...lol. but hey...i lasted way longer than some other people. some people have dropped the program already.

the reason why i forgot is because i was focused on a big project that was actually due today. and because i focus on a big project coming up until im done with it...these other 2 things slipped my mind. so...yea im on the verge of spazzing.

so now...im watchin this debate and listening to obama...man. right as im writing this they start discussing my field: education. obama wants to focus on early childhood education and special education...SPECIFICALLY my two fields, as i am in the process of earning an bachelors degree in early childhood education with dual certification in special education. and he's talking about not only lowering tuition costs, but providing a 4,000 tuition credit per semester (or year, dont remember) in exchange for community service (cuz most college students are severly in debt by the time they enter the work force), higher pay for teachers, booting the bad teachers so that our little minds of the future can have the best education possible in hopes for a super bright future. y'kno...reminds me of why i want to be a teacher in the first place. and at the end of the day, all this stress will be worth it to see my little ones achieve awesome accomplishments. sooooo...yea ima get back to my work now lol

YES WE CAN! :o)

yes...omarion is the shit.